The day it became that little bit sweeter.


The 5th of March 2022.

The day it became that little bit sweeter.

On this day, I went to a local exhibition, which was just down the road and honestly, I was absolutely bricking it. (Videos below)

I have been housebound for about 3 1/2 years now, due to having a chronic heart condition called PoTS, and having severe anxiety around the daily episodes and triggers.

The night before I was thinking that I would aim to stay for 20 minutes and not be too worried about making Connections and friendships, as this is something I could build on in the future.

My sole purpose was to have a good evening, experience an exhibition and event after all this time and get back into the swing of life.

On the day of the exhibition, I was having huge anxiety attacks as time went on and was nauseous by the minute.

I was hyperventilating and I honestly did not want to get out of bed.

the butterflies in my stomach kept fluttering from the anxiety and my feet could not keep still.

However, I stuck with it and went on making business cards as a distraction and to be prepared.

I thought it would be a clever idea to eat dinner just before going.

Top Tip. Do not eat when having anxiety.

We left in the evening, where my butterflies increased, and I started hyperventilating more during the short car ride down.

I was beyond anxious. But still, I kept going.

When we parked the car, I knew that there was a short walk, but I did not realise that we had to go longer as we had to go round the back, which meant more walking, something that can trigger a PoTS episode if I was not careful.

My anxiety increased so much that I put calming fragrance under my nose, placing my mask on top.

When I went inside, it took me time to settle down as my heart rate from my PoTS was 140 sitting down, triggering the increase in my anxiety.

I started looking around at all the artwork and studying them from the distance. I was able to distract myself enough to calm down and finally start settling down.

Shortly after we arrived, they began with live music followed by poem reading, singing and more live music. The artwork that was there, was all produced by females and included paintings, drawings, sculptures and installations.

Throughout the evening, I ended up having conversations with people and received two daffodil flowers from one of the artists, as my mum had explained to her this is my first event in 3 1/2 years, so she gave me a hug and my second daffodil flower.

I felt very inspired by all the artworks and thought about how the artists must have been feeling on this night, exhibiting their work and seeing it up on the walls surrounding us. It made me realise just how much I crave to exhibit my work in the future.

I felt very welcomed and immensely proud of myself for being there after all this time. I am already looking for my next local exhibition to attend.

My mum is incredibly supportive and ended up handing out my business cards which I felt so honoured.

I spent about an hour and a half there and then we went for what was supposed to be a short drive, however, we went further, to another town before arriving home just before 10:00 PM.

Since then, I’ve been feeling freedom, which I didn’t feel before. I’m considering going to other events, where before I would be forced to say, “I can’t” or "no", which was heartbreaking.

Going to this exhibition on the 5th March 2022 has inspired new outlooks on my life, and helped me see my ability to progress in my recovery back out into the world.

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